Contentment Challenge Update!

We are 1/3 of the way through our Challenge. I have to confess it wasn't easy and I cheated. I used a gift card from Christmas in the first week of January. But, now that I told you, let's move on to the more important things. 

I can't even begin to find the words to describe the effects this challenge has had on me. When I agreed to participate, I had no idea the restoration that was to come.

I feel like God has used these past 4 weeks to radically change my heart. It wasn't comfortable but it was SO needed. 

Now, let's dig in a little, shall we?

Is it wrong to love clothes, home decorations, jewelry, etc.? Absolutely not, it's the root of it all that can be problematic. Ever have days where you just feel so blah and you buy a new dress to make you feel pretty? That's not necessarily wrong, but when that dress isn't "new" anymore, you will have to shop again, it's a never ending cycle. 

When we need to feel pretty, why not turn to our Savior? Ladies, He is ENTHRALLED with your beauty! He desires your heart, your love. Not only does He want you, He wants you to want Him back.  That's the kind of "warm and fuzzy" feeling I want, one that doesn't fade with time. 

God has shown me that I far too often put my worth, my value, in things. If every single thing I owned burned in a fire, does that mean I have no worth? If so, I'm in trouble. 

 I have been so convicted to see my worth for what it truly is. It's not in the name brands of my clothes, not my pant size, not in the number of good hair days I have, my worth is found in Christ. If more women could grasps this truth, our world would be drastically changed. We could put some companies who thrive off of self-hate out of business.

Instead of running to The Loft so fast when we have a bad bad, turn to the Bible. Put on some praise and worship, pray, talk to  Jesus. Tell me how you feel after. I guarantee better than a new pair of shoes can make you feel. 

I posted this on my closet door. 

                                 

It's been my hearts desire for 2014. I don't need things, I need Jesus. This Challenge has made me slow down to realize a little more. It's only the beginning y'all, I can't wait for the rest of the journey. 

 I pray you ask God to chisel away at the lies we have believed to be truths. I pray you ask God to help you find your worth in Him, and that you never forget how precious you are to Him.

Oh the Irony

Ironic:

Adjective

1. Happening in the opposite way to what is expected, thus typically causing wry amusement

I'm a people pleaser. If I think I have even remotely hurt your feelings, I will most likely cry.This is a curse and blessing. It's good to be sensitive to other's feelings and opinions, but it's a curse to drive yourself nuts by trying to make everyone happy.

Being that I am a people pleaser, it's hard for me to share my heart a lot of times in fear of rejection, disapproval from my peers, and just flat out judgement and criticism. Here's the irony in possesing this beautiful character trait, er, flaw?  

This blog.

At first, I didn't want to continue blogging. I feel my posts are boring, dull, and my writing skills need a serious polish job. So I stopped, for a long time, until I had Little A. I was encouraged to get back in the swing of writing to keep family and friends in the loop of things with him (which I haven't posted as much as I should). So I started blogging with the thought that all posts would be baby related.

Ready for more irony? I felt God leading me into writing personal things (*gasp* you mean share my heart? put it out there to be judged?), verses He gives me, words of encouragment, thoughts He reveals to me. At first, I was super hesitant. After some serious nudging, this post came about. And you know what, I got a few e-mails from people thanking me for it, saying it was exactly what they needed to hear. The even more amazing thing? The credit is God's and God's alone. It isn't mine. He gave me that post, I simply submitted to the nudging of typing it out, finally, after several nudges.

 When I am hesitant to writing something He laid on my heart for fear of disapproval or less than pleased readers, I could be withholding the very encouragement someone needs. Fear of failure holds the #7 spot on the list of the top 10 fears in the world. Pretty rational fear right?  What is your fear? What is God asking you to do that you aren't because of this fear? Take heed to the nudging, breathe, and trust God.

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." - Isaiah 41:13

But I know who You are

Have you heard this song before?

If you haven't, please listen before reading. If you have, please listen again before reading. 

This song hit me like a ton of bricks. I have heard it several times, but on our way home from Tennessee, it came on the radio and I got chills.

The chorus, 

"She says I don't know 

I don't know what you're doing

But I know who you are"

It seems like lately, several things have happened to my family, friends, and our world.

I don't know why my best friend of 20 years  just had her second surgery to remove her thyroid due to cancer at the young, healthy age of 20. Which by the way, she is still praising God for her health and His goodness, seriously, this girl's faith is admirable.

I don't know why my cousin found out 1 week before her 16th birthday that she has stage 3 hodgkin's lymphoma. She still had a party and celebrated her birthday with family even though she went through a grueling bone marrow test that morning. She still has a smile on her face and is trusting God.

I don't know why people who went to compete in the Boston marathon were victims of a bombing. People lost their lives, innocent people, at the hands of someone filled with hate. 

"You have a father's heart
And a love that's wild
And you know what it's like to lose
Yeah you know what it's like
What it's like to lose a child"

I have 2 babies. One laying beside me, Little A, and one in heaven who I only carried for 10 weeks. I don't know why God's plan called for those 10 weeks with my first baby who I will only meet in Heaven. But I rest easily in knowing it was part of His plan, not just a random event. It was for a purpose, a purpose that will bring glory to God. I have peace in that, and that God knows the sting of losing a child.  

I don't know why these things are happening or have happened, but what I do know is that God is faithful. I'm not questioning Him, I am in no position to demand answers. The second line in the chorus, "I don't know what you're doing", comforts my heart. No matter what is going on, God is DOING something. He is active, moving, working, being sovereign. 

We may not understand God's plan, but we can rest easily in knowing who God is. The God walking my best friend through her surgeries, the God helping my sweet cousin through chemo is the same God who parted the Red Sea for Moses. He is the same God who healed the blind, who hung on Calvary, and who gave Hannah a child. 

When buying a new product, a lot of times, you do research and read the reviews. Well grab your bible and look at God's reviews. Seriously, He scores a 5 star rating every. single. time. 

El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
El Elyon (The Most High God)
Adonai (Lord, Master)
Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
El Olam (The Everlasting God)
Elohim (God)
Qanna (Jealous)
Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)


"Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
- Psalms 9:10

Perfection: One Less Thing to Worry About

I have a confession. 

I am, sad to say, a worrier.

I worry, a lot. I worry about things that most people think are irrelevant. Having a child only made me worry even more. I will add, most of the things I worry about are more logical now, like the well-being of my child, his health, safety, the cleanliness of his toys, things of that nature.

Another confession, I like to research things. Little A wakes up to eat every morning around 5:30ish when Mr. J is getting ready for work. After he leaves, most mornings, I stay awake researching / reading until Little A wakes up at 8:30. 

Most of the time, I am looking up activities to do with Little A, you know sensory activities, things that promote growth, learning, and all things good. But sometimes, the more I research, the more I worry. 

I always fear that somewhere down the road, when he is 5 or so, his doctor will ask me some question along the lines of "you mean you haven't been doing such and such with him every single day since he was born? *gasp* Well it's too late now." I fear that I will leave out certain activities or crucial lessons that should be no brainers and he will suffer. 

At the end of every day, I always ask myself, did I do my best today at being a wife, mother, and Christian? Basically everyday I think, well I did my best but I need to and could be better. 

I think God instilled it in us women to naturally want to pour every ounce of ourselves and effort into those we love. I iron Mr. J's police uniform every morning, pack his lunch, make his coffee, and whatever else he needs. I pray for him throughout the day and try to always be a joy to come home to. I try to turn every single activity of the day into a learning experience for Little A. Laundry becomes a lesson on colors, making lunch becomes a lesson on food and their nutrients, and playing with the dog turns into "what sound does this animal make?" I read scripture to him and pray throughout the day with him. While Little A naps, I do my devotion and spend time reading my bible and in prayer. But at the end of the day, I always feel like it's just not enough, that I need to do more, that God and my family deserve more. 

You know those tribal women who carry the baskets on their heads and fill it with fruit and all kinds of things? I always thought that was so awesome as a child. I would try to balance stuff on my head but I could only keep it steady for a few seconds before it came crashing off. Well as a Christian, I picture myself carrying a huge basket on my head trying to pile in all my worries, problems, sins, insufficiencies, and duties of the day. It's heavy, very heavy. All that weight on top of my head causes my neck to be tired, unable to look up. But then, something wonderful happens, Jesus walks up, and sweetly says, "Can I help you with that?"

That's the beauty of the Savior, He knows the weight we carry as mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, Christians, daughters, brothers, pastors, homemakers, and so on. I will never be perfect, I will and do make mistakes as a Christian, wife, and mother. That's ok. When I feel as though my efforts are failing, I am reminded that God doesn't require perfection. He wants participation and effort. And when I fail, God still loves me. He is there ready to encourage my heart to keep doing my best. 

So will I every lay down at night thinking "today I was a perfect wife, mother, and Christian" ? Doubtful. But I can lay down knowing that I gave it my all, and with God's help, it's enough.

Perfection: One less thing to worry about. 

Carrying the weight

I love to run. 

Simply put, running is my therapy. It's what I do when I'm stressed, sad, mad, happy, energetic, pretty much any emotion can go hand-in-hand with running.

I used to just run about 2 miles everyday for cardio. I wanted a new challenge so I decided towards the end of 2011 that I wanted to run a half marathon. So I started training for one the end of January of 2012. I loved it! Those 5 mile runs gave me sore legs and a big smile. Well I found out I was pregnant February 27th. I decided I would continue to workout, just not continue my training. So I opted for 1 mile runs, long walks, light strength training, and yoga 4 times a week.

When we made our baby registry, I knew the #1 item I wanted was a jogging stroller. 1) they are awesome and can go anywhere 2) they have real tires, not that small cheap plastic ones that can't roll over a pebble. 3) it would help me get back into running with my new little running buddy

Having a winter baby, I knew our jogging adventures would be put aside until we had some better weather. Well this crazy weather has given us several beautiful days, and on days that aren't blistering cold, babe gets bundled up and off we go.

Running is a challenge. Running after having a baby is a challenge, but running after having a baby while pushing your baby is a ridiculous challenge. Maybe the fact that I run around our neighborhood that has serious hills doesn't help, but regardless, pushing extra weight kicks up the burn factor. Try maintaining good running form while pushing a bouncing baby boy. Challenge accepted!

While we were out running yesterday and I was out of breath about to be at the top of our final hill, I had a thought. I get tired pushing Little A while running for 1 hour or so, God carries our weight at all times. "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."- Psalms 55:22. God invites us to cast our burdens on Him and He will carry us. How amazing is that? Carrying the weight of 1 child can be exhausting, can you imagine carrying the weight of all of your children, like if you had a couple billion? God never tires of us. He never needs a break, there is nothing too big for Him. He loves us enough to want to lighten the load. 

That speaks multitudes of the wonderful Christ we serve. I am humbled.