Perfection: One Less Thing to Worry About

Monday, March 25, 2013

I have a confession. 

I am, sad to say, a worrier.

I worry, a lot. I worry about things that most people think are irrelevant. Having a child only made me worry even more. I will add, most of the things I worry about are more logical now, like the well-being of my child, his health, safety, the cleanliness of his toys, things of that nature.

Another confession, I like to research things. Little A wakes up to eat every morning around 5:30ish when Mr. J is getting ready for work. After he leaves, most mornings, I stay awake researching / reading until Little A wakes up at 8:30. 

Most of the time, I am looking up activities to do with Little A, you know sensory activities, things that promote growth, learning, and all things good. But sometimes, the more I research, the more I worry. 

I always fear that somewhere down the road, when he is 5 or so, his doctor will ask me some question along the lines of "you mean you haven't been doing such and such with him every single day since he was born? *gasp* Well it's too late now." I fear that I will leave out certain activities or crucial lessons that should be no brainers and he will suffer. 

At the end of every day, I always ask myself, did I do my best today at being a wife, mother, and Christian? Basically everyday I think, well I did my best but I need to and could be better. 

I think God instilled it in us women to naturally want to pour every ounce of ourselves and effort into those we love. I iron Mr. J's police uniform every morning, pack his lunch, make his coffee, and whatever else he needs. I pray for him throughout the day and try to always be a joy to come home to. I try to turn every single activity of the day into a learning experience for Little A. Laundry becomes a lesson on colors, making lunch becomes a lesson on food and their nutrients, and playing with the dog turns into "what sound does this animal make?" I read scripture to him and pray throughout the day with him. While Little A naps, I do my devotion and spend time reading my bible and in prayer. But at the end of the day, I always feel like it's just not enough, that I need to do more, that God and my family deserve more. 

You know those tribal women who carry the baskets on their heads and fill it with fruit and all kinds of things? I always thought that was so awesome as a child. I would try to balance stuff on my head but I could only keep it steady for a few seconds before it came crashing off. Well as a Christian, I picture myself carrying a huge basket on my head trying to pile in all my worries, problems, sins, insufficiencies, and duties of the day. It's heavy, very heavy. All that weight on top of my head causes my neck to be tired, unable to look up. But then, something wonderful happens, Jesus walks up, and sweetly says, "Can I help you with that?"

That's the beauty of the Savior, He knows the weight we carry as mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, Christians, daughters, brothers, pastors, homemakers, and so on. I will never be perfect, I will and do make mistakes as a Christian, wife, and mother. That's ok. When I feel as though my efforts are failing, I am reminded that God doesn't require perfection. He wants participation and effort. And when I fail, God still loves me. He is there ready to encourage my heart to keep doing my best. 

So will I every lay down at night thinking "today I was a perfect wife, mother, and Christian" ? Doubtful. But I can lay down knowing that I gave it my all, and with God's help, it's enough.

Perfection: One less thing to worry about. 


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