Oh the Irony

Ironic:

Adjective

1. Happening in the opposite way to what is expected, thus typically causing wry amusement

I'm a people pleaser. If I think I have even remotely hurt your feelings, I will most likely cry.This is a curse and blessing. It's good to be sensitive to other's feelings and opinions, but it's a curse to drive yourself nuts by trying to make everyone happy.

Being that I am a people pleaser, it's hard for me to share my heart a lot of times in fear of rejection, disapproval from my peers, and just flat out judgement and criticism. Here's the irony in possesing this beautiful character trait, er, flaw?  

This blog.

At first, I didn't want to continue blogging. I feel my posts are boring, dull, and my writing skills need a serious polish job. So I stopped, for a long time, until I had Little A. I was encouraged to get back in the swing of writing to keep family and friends in the loop of things with him (which I haven't posted as much as I should). So I started blogging with the thought that all posts would be baby related.

Ready for more irony? I felt God leading me into writing personal things (*gasp* you mean share my heart? put it out there to be judged?), verses He gives me, words of encouragment, thoughts He reveals to me. At first, I was super hesitant. After some serious nudging, this post came about. And you know what, I got a few e-mails from people thanking me for it, saying it was exactly what they needed to hear. The even more amazing thing? The credit is God's and God's alone. It isn't mine. He gave me that post, I simply submitted to the nudging of typing it out, finally, after several nudges.

 When I am hesitant to writing something He laid on my heart for fear of disapproval or less than pleased readers, I could be withholding the very encouragement someone needs. Fear of failure holds the #7 spot on the list of the top 10 fears in the world. Pretty rational fear right?  What is your fear? What is God asking you to do that you aren't because of this fear? Take heed to the nudging, breathe, and trust God.

"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." - Isaiah 41:13

7 Months

Little A is 7 months (and a few days) old!

This will be a quick post to just keep record of a few milestones.

He has been successfully been sitting up sans wobble for a couple of weeks. He prefers to sit up rather than lay, especially in the bath. If he is laying, he is rolling. He can roll across a room so fast, it's crazy. He has serious speed. He is getting on his hands and knees and rocking. He has gone backwards a few times, and inched forward a couple of times. He is SO close to crawling which makes me excited, sad, nervous, and anxious all at the same time.

He is still breastfed. He eats fruits or veggies at breakfast and dinner. He isn't picky, the only thing he doesn't like are grapes and green beans. He loves all fruits we have tried so far. The only new fruit we have added in the past few weeks is blueberries.

He is SO talkative and friendly. He loves to smile, people watch, and talk to anyone who will listen.

This month has a few changes / firsts.

Mr. J is away at his first extended training with the army since deployment. 2 weeks. It doesn't seem like long to a lot of people, but once you go through deployment, anything longer than 3 days and you immediately go into "deployment mode" where you feel like it will be ages before you see them again. We're only on day 3 and Little A is seriously missing daddy. Mr. J calls at night and I put it on speaker. Little A looks at the phone, then at me, then the phone and just grins. He loves his daddy.

We moved into a new house. I am so excited. It's a cute little house with an awesome yard. We love it and its closer to the PD which makes it easier for Mr. J.

that's all for now !!

6 Months!

Half of a year.

Wait, are you sure?

Yes sir, Little A is 6 months old.

He had his check-up, got T.H.R.E.E. unmerciful shots, and has changed SO much.

He is so so so vocal. Whenever he wakes from his naps or in the morning, I always go into his room and say "HIIIIIIII" in a really high mommy-like voice. He is now mimicking me right back when I say it, seriously the cutest thing ever.

He has been eating home-made baby food for about 3 weeks (our pediatrician recommended not making it a watered down puree, but just mashing it up like crazy and letting him play with tiny pieces) and so far he likes avocados, cantaloupe, bananas, apples,  sweet potatoes, corn, carrots didn't impress him much and he really doesn't like green beans or grapes. 

He loves to drink water from my Brita bottle still. If he can see it, he is trying to grab it.

He rolls over both ways and has for a while now but these days, if he is laying down, he is rolling constantly. 

When Little A is in his car seat, he always tries to pull the shade down, like all the way down to his feet. He has pulled it out of place a few times. We hear this "click click click click" look in the mirror and you can see his little grinning face over the shade while his toes are rubbing it. 

Every evening when Mr. J gets home from work, he lays Little A on the bed, kneels in the floor and Little A starts the "inspection" as we call it. He has to grab, pinch, rub, and stare at every inch of Mr. J's face. Feet have now joined the process as Little A wraps his feet around Daddy's neck. 

Little A went to the church nursery for the first time 2 weeks ago. He always does well during church, but as he is more vocal, it's harder for us to pay attention and for the people around us to hear. I was extremely nervous about taking him for the first time, he has never been in the care of anyone else besides us and our parents, but I trusted the workers. He did fantastic. They said he really enjoyed watching the other kids and he was playing with toys and didn't cry at all. Phew, relieved mama moment.

Little A can sit up if I put him in the position, he is still a little wobbly, mainly because he sees something and just lunges straight for it. If he holds your fingers, he can pull himself up. He still prefers to be standing, his legs are so strong. He is trying to crawl. He gets his knees under him and kind of rocks a little bit and has scooted backwards. He is so close to figuring it out. 

His night time routine has changed a little. He no longer wants to be rocked or will allow it. He gets a bath, gets lotioned up, dressed, prayer, eats, and then completely straightens his body out so it's almost impossible to even hold him, so rocking is a no go. We lay him down awake, he grabs his paci and his blanket, rolls on his side and off to sleep he goes. 

We are still doing sign language, he now smiles when we sign, especially if I ask him if he is hungry.

He is still such a happy baby and "talks" to most people. I think it's unbearably precious though when someone is talking to him and he gets bashful and buries his face in my shoulder. 

He started saying "mamamama" a few days ago, he usually says it if I walk out of the room for a second or when he gets mad. I just crumble when I hear it. 

"oh you want a pony?" 

"mamamama" 

"your wish is my command little one", 

we may be in serious trouble.

I seriously fall in love with this kid more every day.

• Weight - 16 pounds 8 ounces (25th percentile
• Length - 26 1/4 inches (50th percentile)
• Head circumference- 16 1/4 inches (25th percentile)
• Diaper size - Just switched to 3
• Clothes size - he can still wear his size 3 months sweatpants,some 3/6 month things, mostly 6 month
• Favorites- being mobile in any form, talking, playing with mommy's phone, and doing the helicopter and horse ride with daddy
• Mommy's favorite moment/s this month- Him mimicking me and saying mamama my favorite, I love hearing that sweet little voice trying to say what I'm saying.

eating avocados 

waiting for Dr. B

But I know who You are

Have you heard this song before?

If you haven't, please listen before reading. If you have, please listen again before reading. 

This song hit me like a ton of bricks. I have heard it several times, but on our way home from Tennessee, it came on the radio and I got chills.

The chorus, 

"She says I don't know 

I don't know what you're doing

But I know who you are"

It seems like lately, several things have happened to my family, friends, and our world.

I don't know why my best friend of 20 years  just had her second surgery to remove her thyroid due to cancer at the young, healthy age of 20. Which by the way, she is still praising God for her health and His goodness, seriously, this girl's faith is admirable.

I don't know why my cousin found out 1 week before her 16th birthday that she has stage 3 hodgkin's lymphoma. She still had a party and celebrated her birthday with family even though she went through a grueling bone marrow test that morning. She still has a smile on her face and is trusting God.

I don't know why people who went to compete in the Boston marathon were victims of a bombing. People lost their lives, innocent people, at the hands of someone filled with hate. 

"You have a father's heart
And a love that's wild
And you know what it's like to lose
Yeah you know what it's like
What it's like to lose a child"

I have 2 babies. One laying beside me, Little A, and one in heaven who I only carried for 10 weeks. I don't know why God's plan called for those 10 weeks with my first baby who I will only meet in Heaven. But I rest easily in knowing it was part of His plan, not just a random event. It was for a purpose, a purpose that will bring glory to God. I have peace in that, and that God knows the sting of losing a child.  

I don't know why these things are happening or have happened, but what I do know is that God is faithful. I'm not questioning Him, I am in no position to demand answers. The second line in the chorus, "I don't know what you're doing", comforts my heart. No matter what is going on, God is DOING something. He is active, moving, working, being sovereign. 

We may not understand God's plan, but we can rest easily in knowing who God is. The God walking my best friend through her surgeries, the God helping my sweet cousin through chemo is the same God who parted the Red Sea for Moses. He is the same God who healed the blind, who hung on Calvary, and who gave Hannah a child. 

When buying a new product, a lot of times, you do research and read the reviews. Well grab your bible and look at God's reviews. Seriously, He scores a 5 star rating every. single. time. 

El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
El Elyon (The Most High God)
Adonai (Lord, Master)
Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
El Olam (The Everlasting God)
Elohim (God)
Qanna (Jealous)
Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)


"Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."
- Psalms 9:10

5 months

5 months.

5 months.

5 months.

I was hoping the more I said / typed it, would help it sink in that my baby is 5 months old!!! Geez, slow down there, little one.

Little A doesn't have a check-up this month, which also means NO SHOTS! Praise the Lord! We weighed him a week ago at my grandma's house and little man is a whopping 16 pounds!! Insanity gives me a run for my money but holding Little A definitely brings the burn by the end of the day. 

His personality is developing. He is so friendly, he is always smiling at people and tries to "talk". At church when Paw-Paw Mike is preaching, Little A hollers back, everyone says he is preaching back at him. He loves to be tickled, the "helicopter ride" with daddy, putting his toes in his mouth, his johnny jumper, rolling over (he can now roll from his back to his belly, so he just lays down and rolls continuously), holding our hands and standing. 

Little A now sleeps in his own room. We rock him for a minute or so and lay him down awake and he may fuss for a minute but then goes right to sleep. He goes to bed at 8:30PM, usually wakes up around 5:30AM to eat, then back to sleep until 8:00AM. He sleeps on his side and has to have his blanket to snuggle.

He is still exclusively breastfed, which is going great. He eats every 2 hours. We are beginning to play around with some real food. We steamed some carrots, pureed them, and gave him a bite but he isn't too sure about it yet. One thing Little A does love is lemons. We gave him a slice thinking we would get to see him make a funny sour face, and he just went to town sucking on it. He cried when we took it from him. When he sees us drinking water from our Brita water bottles, he immediately tries to grab them, so we put it to his mouth and give him a few drops, he loves it.

He is so curious it's hard to keep him in his car seat if he is awake and we are out. He would much rather sit on our lap or be held so he can see what's going on. When we go for walks, he prefers just being in the stroller facing out, not in the carseat hooked into the stroller. 

And little man definitely has some strength. When he is on his playmate, he will grab the rings that hang and do a pull up to try to get up. Ironman in the making?

We have also added in some sign language recently. The signs we are teaching him are hungry, eat, thank you, please, mommy, daddy, grandpa, grandma, tired, all done, bed, and diaper. I have a few friends who taught their babies sign language and love the idea of Little A being able to communicate with us earlier about his needs. 

5 month stats:

• Weight - 16 pounds
• Length - no doctor appointment this month so not sure
• Head circumference- "         "
• Diaper size - 2 
• Clothes size - 3/6 month, and some 6 month things like jeans and PJ's.
• Favorites- Loves to talk, smile at people, his teethers, books (playing with them and mommy reading them) johnny jumper, and rolling around.
• Mommy's favorite moment/s this month- I love how friendly he is. He smiles at everyone, talks, and enjoys interaction with other babies, especially his cousins. 

Perfection: One Less Thing to Worry About

I have a confession. 

I am, sad to say, a worrier.

I worry, a lot. I worry about things that most people think are irrelevant. Having a child only made me worry even more. I will add, most of the things I worry about are more logical now, like the well-being of my child, his health, safety, the cleanliness of his toys, things of that nature.

Another confession, I like to research things. Little A wakes up to eat every morning around 5:30ish when Mr. J is getting ready for work. After he leaves, most mornings, I stay awake researching / reading until Little A wakes up at 8:30. 

Most of the time, I am looking up activities to do with Little A, you know sensory activities, things that promote growth, learning, and all things good. But sometimes, the more I research, the more I worry. 

I always fear that somewhere down the road, when he is 5 or so, his doctor will ask me some question along the lines of "you mean you haven't been doing such and such with him every single day since he was born? *gasp* Well it's too late now." I fear that I will leave out certain activities or crucial lessons that should be no brainers and he will suffer. 

At the end of every day, I always ask myself, did I do my best today at being a wife, mother, and Christian? Basically everyday I think, well I did my best but I need to and could be better. 

I think God instilled it in us women to naturally want to pour every ounce of ourselves and effort into those we love. I iron Mr. J's police uniform every morning, pack his lunch, make his coffee, and whatever else he needs. I pray for him throughout the day and try to always be a joy to come home to. I try to turn every single activity of the day into a learning experience for Little A. Laundry becomes a lesson on colors, making lunch becomes a lesson on food and their nutrients, and playing with the dog turns into "what sound does this animal make?" I read scripture to him and pray throughout the day with him. While Little A naps, I do my devotion and spend time reading my bible and in prayer. But at the end of the day, I always feel like it's just not enough, that I need to do more, that God and my family deserve more. 

You know those tribal women who carry the baskets on their heads and fill it with fruit and all kinds of things? I always thought that was so awesome as a child. I would try to balance stuff on my head but I could only keep it steady for a few seconds before it came crashing off. Well as a Christian, I picture myself carrying a huge basket on my head trying to pile in all my worries, problems, sins, insufficiencies, and duties of the day. It's heavy, very heavy. All that weight on top of my head causes my neck to be tired, unable to look up. But then, something wonderful happens, Jesus walks up, and sweetly says, "Can I help you with that?"

That's the beauty of the Savior, He knows the weight we carry as mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, Christians, daughters, brothers, pastors, homemakers, and so on. I will never be perfect, I will and do make mistakes as a Christian, wife, and mother. That's ok. When I feel as though my efforts are failing, I am reminded that God doesn't require perfection. He wants participation and effort. And when I fail, God still loves me. He is there ready to encourage my heart to keep doing my best. 

So will I every lay down at night thinking "today I was a perfect wife, mother, and Christian" ? Doubtful. But I can lay down knowing that I gave it my all, and with God's help, it's enough.

Perfection: One less thing to worry about. 

Pick Your Poison

As a mom, and a new one at that, I have received TONS of advice, opinions, thoughts, and "don't do's".  I always appreciate advice, there is wisdom in the multitude of council, BUT some "advice" is more bossing and judgement based.

I rock my baby to sleep. Yup that's right, I spend anywhere from 5 minutes to, a couple times, 1 hour rocking my sweet little chunk cheeks to sleep. Go ahead, judge away. So many people told me, "whether you snuggle him to sleep, hold him, rock him, or any method other than self soothing from birth, you're picking your own poison" or "don't you even start the habit of rocking your baby, you will spoil him and have to do it for the rest of your life." Yes, Little A is used to me rocking him to sleep, and he depends on it. Do I regret starting it, there are a few nights when I wish I could lay him down and he could just slip into a sweet dream-filled sleep, but at the end of the day, my baby is only a baby for a short time. When he is 10 years old, will I look back and say,"Man it was so nice to lay him down while he put himself to sleep" most likely not. My baby is growing SO fast and I want to cherish every single second. I prayed and prayed and prayed for a baby in God's timing, (and who am I kidding, I wanted a baby RIGHT THEN!), I welcomed the thought of sleepless nights if it meant kisses sweet baby cheeks. I want to look back on Little A's infancy and know that I soaked up every single second, snuggle, and kiss that I could have. 

Whether it's putting your baby to sleep, your method of feeding, what clothes you put your baby in, whether you homeschool, do preschool, or let your kid eat bugs, at the end of the day YOU are the mother of YOUR child. God gave us mothers instinct specific for our own child. Every baby is different and every mother is different. 

I have friends who parent very differently than I do, is it my place to judge? Absolutely NOT. How different would your time with other mom's be if you stopped judging? Of course I understand there are some situations when some intervention is necessary due to the safety and well-being of a child, in that case, by all means, go ahead mama bear. If it's not a matter of life or death, let that mama be mama. 

Give advice when it's asked for, be a good friend, but let's take the judgement glasses off and just enjoy our babies while we can. 

Be sweet y'all!